I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
