how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
