Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
party gras won. party gras always wins.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
