As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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