Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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