The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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