My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
