Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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