please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Success! We fucked roommates!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
