ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
