I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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