marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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