i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
