i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
