I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
