Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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