I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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