Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
