You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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