remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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