Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
