U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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