Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
