omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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