Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
