Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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