i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize