my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
