They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
