just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
