omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So apparently I’m into choking now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
