Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
