also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
