I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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