Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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