Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
