Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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