no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Panties = found
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
