No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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