There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
