I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
