what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize