Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
