So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
