Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
