You smell like a Billy Joel song
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
