Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
