i think my tv is drunk
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
