Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
