Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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