a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
