you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
