i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
