I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
