Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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