just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
