So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize