she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
