Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
