everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
