Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
