If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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