i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
