So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize