I smell stomach acid.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
