Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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