OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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