i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
They have beer where we have blood.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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