you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
