he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
