Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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