Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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