is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
