So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
