sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
