Can Purell be used as lube?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize