well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
