Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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