Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
