If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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