Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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