Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
