Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
