just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
