This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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