Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
