I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
