Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
