She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize