Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
